Tales from the Lip Box - Vol. 1
Have you ever said something that you wish you could take back?
Do you ever feel like your mouth works faster than your brain? Have you ever been a passenger on the speech train watching your comments whiz by at 80 mph? If so, you are not alone. And you may just need the Lip Box.
The Lip Box is not a monthly subscription to lip balm (yes, that does exist). Instead, it is a mythical product that rewinds time and erases what you said in the last 5-10 seconds to grant the user a “do-over.” Rhonda Campbell and I chatted about this concept in the early part of WorkPlay Solutions Podcast Ep. 03 | What is Facilitation and Why Should I Care?
Where did the Lip Box come from?
I was sitting on the beach during an offsite training. We were using creative brainstorming activities to help learn and teach principles of the DiSC® assessment in a fun way. Our assignment was to create a product or valuable service for someone with each classic profile. The trainer gave us a handful of random cards from the board game Snake Oil to prompt our thinking. If you are not familiar with the Snake Oil game, the cards are all nouns paired together randomly to create an exciting hybrid. That product is then pitched to a particular audience.
Example: Energy + Cloud = Energy Cloud is a wickedly intense energy drink with 900 grams of caffeine and 32 b-vitamins. Drink Energy Cloud today!!!”
My team included my good friend and master facilitator, Shannon Bond. Our presentation was targeted at someone with a D (Dominant) profile. A person who is a D on the DiSC® commonly behaves in fast-paced, direct, task-focused, and results-oriented ways. One of D’s limitations is that they are more likely to exhibit behaviors that lack concern for others or be insensitive. Being very high in D myself, I know the pros and cons of this behavior set well.
Shannon and I moved our cards around, trying dozens of pairings until we landed on Lip + Box.
“What if we had a device that gave people a do-over when they said something uncaring or insensitive?”
“Yes, and…what if instead of just a do-over, it translated what you intended to say in a more caring and humane way? Like a backward version of Key & Peale’s Obama Anger Translator* sketches?”
“Yes!!!”
And the Lip Box was born. For our presentation, I would say something straightforward and insensitive. Shannon would activate the Lip Box with, “what I meant to say was…” and improve the statement. We intentionally used hyperbolical and inappropriate comments to showcase the change Lip Box made.
Mark: “Rebecca, That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! It’s sheer nonsense!”
Shannon: “Lip Box! What I meant to say was… Rebecca, I am having trouble understanding your reasoning. Can you help me understand how you reached this conclusion?”
Mark: “Franklin, why are you late to work? Did you have stupid for breakfast?”
Shannon: “Lip Box! What I meant to say was… Franklin, I noticed you were late today. You are normally so responsible. Is everything ok?”
Mark: “Robert, you smell like you slept in a cow pasture. Go home and take a shower!”
Shannon: “Lip Box! What I meant to say was… Robert, can we chat for a minute? This conversation may be a little awkward. Because I care about you, I want you to know that I have concerns about the level of personal hygiene you are displaying today at work.”
The presentation got a standing ovation. There was a lot of laughing and comments about how we all wished this product was real. I know I would happily contribute to the Kickstarter of anyone who could actually make this device real.
The next day I found myself jokingly responding to a real comment with, “Lipbox! What I meant to say was…”. And then Shannon did the same. And then someone else. Then Again. And again. And again.
Although it was intended as a silly presentation, it became a part of our real work culture. People would say “Lip Box…” after realizing they were rude in a meeting. Or when they were frustrated with a colleague. This was not the point of the activity, so what was happening?
I think the Lip Box caught on because owning your mistakes is hard. Especially if you catch them right away with the other person still in the room. It takes a lot of energy, and an act of humility, to say at the moment, “I do not like how I said that. My comment was disrespectful. I care about you as a human being, and you deserve better from me. What I really meant to convey was….”
The Lip Box became a shortcut. It allowed someone inside our organization to own their mistake quickly and save face in a culturally appropriate way that each person understood. It allowed someone to laugh at their error and get past it soon, while still letting the apology be genuine. It generated feedback by showcasing self-awareness at the moment. And as a result, relationships were strengthened.
Now let’s be real. The Lip Box It wasn’t a magic bullet or cure-all. It could not cover something very serious or genuinely offensive. Thankfully it never morphed into an excuse to say something mean on purpose and cover your tracks because you are “Sorry, Not Sorry.” It was, however, a fun and memorable moment from a catalytic event that turned into something actually useful inside our day-to-day work lives.
With that in mind, I plan on writing “Tales from the Lip Box” as a series of posts that feature the lessons learned from unkind words or ill-thought speech. If you would like to contribute to a future edition of “Tales from the Lip Box,” send me an email at mark@workplaysolutions.com. I look forward to us all laughing and growing together.
Reflection and Action:
Think of a conversation where you would like a “do-over”.
What would you say differently this time?
Is it easier to apologize in the moment, or once you have had time to reflect?
Why do you think that is?
Create your own Lip Box.
Think of a change you need help, support, or understanding to make.
Tell someone about the change, and come up with a code-word or phrase
Use that code-word or phrase when you fall short, or as a reminder of what you want to achieve.
Give yourself some grace.
Change is hard, and people will respond to you better when you humbly admit you have not arrived.
(*The Key & Peale Obama Anger Translator sketches are hilarious, but NSFW due to coarse language.)
